Atlanta City Council member Liliana Bakhtiari, who prefers the pronouns she and they, made history as the first queer Muslim person elected in the state of Georgia, and again as the first non-binary councilmember of a major U.S. city when she was elected last November.
Bakhtiari had been with their partner, Kris Brown, for a decade when she met Sarah Al-Khayyal in late 2020 through a virtual non-monogamy support group. The three have been dating ever since.
Bakhtiari told NBC News about their relationship, “But we’re openly showing it and proud of it. It should be destigmatized. It’s a very valid familial structure that people should embrace.”
“We are so grateful for the outpouring of support we have received from our community, colleagues, family, and friends,” Bakhtiari told Newsweek. “As a public figure, one’s personal life often becomes news—especially when it refuses to abide by traditional structures and expectations. As the three of us move toward building a family, it was important that we claim our relationship proudly and publicly.”
While not a traditional practice in romantic relationships, ethical non-monogamy has been on the rise in recent years. Non-monogamy, which for some can be interchangeable with polyamory, is a type of relationship where people have multiple romantic and sexual partners.
Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, an author and psychologist, told Newsweek, “Ethical (consensual) non-monogamy is when people agree to have more than one sexual/intimate partner at the same time with everyone’s consent. People may have more than one ongoing sexual relationship, more than one ongoing romantic relationship for example.”
A study published last May in Frontiers in Psychology relayed that approximately one in nine Americans have been in a polyamorous relationship, and one in six would like to try one.
There are several common misconceptions about non-monogamy. The first, Bisbey detailed, is that a non-monogamous relationship is “all about sex.”
“Many people who engage in consensual non-monogamy have emotionally intimate relationships and multiple committed relationships. Some of the relationships include sex but others may not,” Bisbey said.
The second misconception is that it is cheating. “Cheating is non-consensual (or unethical). Cheating is when someone engages in a sexual/intimate relationship with someone behind the back of their regular/committed partner/relationship. In ENM (CNM), everything is out in the open. All partners are aware of each other and consent,” said Bisbey. She added that it’s also not swinging, which is “one form of ethical non-monogamy where couples engage in sexual experiences with other singles and couples. There are other forms of CNM—like polyamory for example.”
And finally, the last misconception is that the relationship is casual or short-term. Bisbey said, “Many people have multiple long-term relationships. Some people have long-term ‘casual’ relationships others long-term ‘deep’ relationships.”
“People often say that because I am non-monogamous I must be pro-non-monogamy. Actually, I’m pro-non-monogamy for me,” Bisbey wrote in a previous article for Newsweek. “It works for me and for some people and it doesn’t for others.”
For Bakhtiari, Brown, and Al-Khayyal, it works perfectly.
Al-Khayyal told NBC News, “For me, practicing non-monogamy is a part of this greater unlearning and deprogramming of societal conditioning. Non-monogamy for me doesn’t have to be having multiple partners. It’s also breaking down the platonic-romantic binary and being able to have these relationships that kind of exist in that gray area.”
They prefer the term non-monogamy over polyamory, and Brown said, “There are many more ways to be non-monogamous than there are ways to be polyamorous, and we invite and enjoy the fluidity of the term non-monogamy.”
Bakhtiari also voiced their thoughts on whether or not their relationship will affect the re-election. “If people don’t want to re-elect me because I’m in love with two wonderful people and in a happy and healthy relationship that is possibly the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, then I’m good,” they said to NBC News.
“We are so proud to share our love with the world because this relationship has completely fulfilled and enriched all three of our lives,” Bakhtiari further told Newsweek. “And with respect to my continued work in the community as a member of the Atlanta City Council, I am a better public servant for having Kris and Sarah at my side.”
Newsweek reached out to the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition for comment.
